Reformed Cynic

The Importance of Being Hugged

Today I volunteered at my local PBS Affiliate's "Ice Cream Fun Fest" as a character handler, essentially a guide and bodyguard for a person costumed as a children's show character. It went amazingly well, with no mishaps, excepting the ice cream stains left on the costume by overeager sticky children. Perhaps most surprising was the fact that I made it through the entire day in the company of small children without thinking too many nasty thoughts or doubling over in pain.

The children, even some of the older ones, were very keen on hugging the character, which surprised me to no end. One little boy in particular made me tear up a bit. He was in the company of his mother and her boyfriend, both of whom had children from previous relationships, and he was a little bashful about hugging the character at first, but eventually did. Later, as I was leading the actress around, he broke out of a line and ran over, hugging her again. Seeing him a second time made me realize that he was physically large for his age, and probably was less emotionally developed than his appearance would lead one to believe. The last time I saw him, he was about to come over and hug her again, but we walked by, and he changed his mind. I wish I had stopped her and called him over.

Perhaps in the jumble of blending two sets of relationships, he wasn't getting his emotional or developmental needs met. Is this what leads to some young men becoming delinquent? Was his mother's current boyfriend just another in a string of many, or was he a permanent fixture in this boy's life? Was the boyfriend a loving father figure, ambivalent, or hurtful? What about the boy's father? Is he in the picture? My instinct tells me he's not, or at least not in any supportive role. if this little boy acts out, will anyone see past the behavior to the underlying causes? I think the boy desperately needed the hugs the actress gave him, judging by that last crestfallen look on his face as we walked by him. I hope that his mother isn't so spellbound by her new relationship that she can see her son's emotional needs are not being met. Will the man he becomes be poisoned by it, or will he get the love and guidance he needs from other, positive sources.

I think this has affected me so much because I know what it's like to have these unmet needs, both in terms of emotional support and parental guidance. As a result I tend to isolate myself - by avoiding close relationships or choosing fruitless ones. I've gone through long periods of not being hugged, and when I finally broke the wall down, it felt so awkward. If someone held me today - for longer than a minute - I would completely break down in tears, and can't explain why.

When I think of that little boy, I will ask the Universe to send him a loving, strong role model who will be a positive and constant presence in his life for as long as he needs it. I'll also ask that they way to have my emotional needs met be made apparent to me, and that I have loving supportive people in my life, too.

Thank you for shopping Stupid Spoiled Brat Mart

I live in one of the oldest neighborhoods in Boston, where there are picturesque streets and elegant townhouses. I imagined it would be a quiet, reserved place, having been the former bastion of New England Aristocracy. Much to my surprise, there is an increasing undergraduate student population who attend a University adjacent to the neighborhood. With Mommy and Daddy paying the rent, Junior and Juniorette pursue higher education, seemingly through independent study of drunkenness, vomit, and making public spectacles. They tend to populate the South slope of the neighborhood, where there are more rental units and landlords willing to rent to undergraduates.

On September 1^st, the majority of leases in the city start anew, leading to a large chunk of the population moving from one side of town to another, into new apartments from out of town, or welcoming new roommates. It also leads to a shameful amount of trash – from which I and many other city dwellers pull perfectly usable items. That night I took a walk around the South slope, mattresses and sofas and bags of crap blocking the narrow sidewalks, and in my 14 years here I have never been so disgusted – kitchen sets and shelving units bought new 1 year ago were thrown out, clothes and mattresses and shoes pulled out of a U-Haul and tossed into the street.

With talk of the increasingly indebted American, rising college costs and cheap imported goods being the ruin of the middle class, I had to stop and think how much of this was reflected right there in the trash heap. I'm sure Mom and Dad plunked down plastic for 98% of the refuse, insisting on buying new when I'm sure they knew it would be flung out in short order. Was buying second hand, scouring Grandma's attic for household items even considered? Did Daddy sit Junior down and say, “Listen kid, these household items are going to have to make it through your undergrad – you break it, you replace it.” Tuition costs may rise, but I wonder if part of soaring college costs are these huge outlays at the beginning of every school year, on things that any rational person would expect to last a long time.

On the subject of cheap goods, there has been much debate already, and while I find that items are far less durable than in the past - I'm in my early 30s, so it's not that long ago – with even a little bit of respect for one's belongings, they can be made to last for years. For what it's worth, most of the tossed crap bore “Made In China” labels; the coffeemakers, microwaves, and the particleboard nightmare furniture. No wonder we have a Titanic trade deficit! What a wasteful nation we have become – spending is necessary for an economy to remain healthy, but what I see in the street here indicates ruin on so many levels – economic, social, spiritual even.

It may sound melodramatic, but the lack of consideration shown by the people tossing out these items indicates a few disturbing tendencies:

1. Flagrantly spendthrift attitudes

2. Entitlement to new items when perfectly good wares are tossed

3. Lack of foresight – If you are going to dispense with these items, you can Freecycle, eBay, CraigsList them, or give your parents the tax deduction and send it to Goodwill

4. No consideration for the energy spent/sacrifices made by their parents to provide all of these things. This ties into the entitlement previously mentioned – and of course the parents shoulder part of the blame for raising such selfish children.

Who benefits from all of this waste? The frugal-minded and adventuresome, that's who. While surveying the trash, I saw housecleaners, neighborhood adults, taxi drivers, sanitation workers and a smart few college-aged folk – which gives me some hope. Many of my fellow shoppers at Stupid Spoiled Brat Mart (my new name for the heaps of trash) were immigrants. If you have any question as to how thousands of people are able - and I will assume they are here legally and not working under the table- to move from poverty to a measure of affluence within a decade of arriving on these shores, take note: furnishing your home with trash finds frees up lots of capital for investing in things like homes, businesses, quality education for your children, et cetera. I'm willing to bet some of my Mart booty that the immigrant cabbie putting a microwave in his trunk isn't paying Ethan Allen every month for a spankin' new sectional.

I'll end my rant now, as I have to go look over my loot, and decide what I'll keep, what I'll sell at 100% profit at a yard sale in another neighborhood(and to other students) and what is eBay- worthy. Never fear, if you missed shopping at Stupid Spoiled Brat Mart, it'll open again in May, when the Spring semester ends with bargains galore for everybody.