Today I volunteered at my local PBS Affiliate's "Ice Cream Fun Fest" as a character handler, essentially a guide and bodyguard for a person costumed as a children's show character. It went amazingly well, with no mishaps, excepting the ice cream stains left on the costume by overeager sticky children. Perhaps most surprising was the fact that I made it through the entire day in the company of small children without thinking too many nasty thoughts or doubling over in pain.
The children, even some of the older ones, were very keen on hugging the character, which surprised me to no end. One little boy in particular made me tear up a bit. He was in the company of his mother and her boyfriend, both of whom had children from previous relationships, and he was a little bashful about hugging the character at first, but eventually did. Later, as I was leading the actress around, he broke out of a line and ran over, hugging her again. Seeing him a second time made me realize that he was physically large for his age, and probably was less emotionally developed than his appearance would lead one to believe. The last time I saw him, he was about to come over and hug her again, but we walked by, and he changed his mind. I wish I had stopped her and called him over.
Perhaps in the jumble of blending two sets of relationships, he wasn't getting his emotional or developmental needs met. Is this what leads to some young men becoming delinquent? Was his mother's current boyfriend just another in a string of many, or was he a permanent fixture in this boy's life? Was the boyfriend a loving father figure, ambivalent, or hurtful? What about the boy's father? Is he in the picture? My instinct tells me he's not, or at least not in any supportive role. if this little boy acts out, will anyone see past the behavior to the underlying causes? I think the boy desperately needed the hugs the actress gave him, judging by that last crestfallen look on his face as we walked by him. I hope that his mother isn't so spellbound by her new relationship that she can see her son's emotional needs are not being met. Will the man he becomes be poisoned by it, or will he get the love and guidance he needs from other, positive sources.
I think this has affected me so much because I know what it's like to have these unmet needs, both in terms of emotional support and parental guidance. As a result I tend to isolate myself - by avoiding close relationships or choosing fruitless ones. I've gone through long periods of not being hugged, and when I finally broke the wall down, it felt so awkward. If someone held me today - for longer than a minute - I would completely break down in tears, and can't explain why.
When I think of that little boy, I will ask the Universe to send him a loving, strong role model who will be a positive and constant presence in his life for as long as he needs it. I'll also ask that they way to have my emotional needs met be made apparent to me, and that I have loving supportive people in my life, too.
